MOTHERS SAID WHAT?

#1 "Everything just fell into place when I had kids"

**It fell apart. Everything fell apart. But in a good way.**

#2 "I don't miss going out"

**I am a house-bound middle class alcoholic. And that is OK.**

#3 "I signed up to pregnancy yoga yesterday"

**I can barely move and am living off mayonnaise.**

#4 "I can't wait to start maternity leave"

**True. But there's fear. A lot of fear.**

#5 "He/she is a really easy baby"

**Compared to an AHD-addled orangutan**

#6 "Just look at Mummy's little man"

**Stop throwing spaghetti. Man up**

#7 It feels like he/she has always been with us

**I am so tired I could eat my shoe**

#8 It's really helped us connect

**He saw a baby surf out of my vagina on a wave of turd.**

Additional reporting: Michelle Harris