DOUBLE VISION

Think you’re on separate pages? Then this list probably won’t help and isn’t written by anyone of psychological significance

#1 It’s not ‘babysitting’ when it’s your own kid. Time to face the music; you did the love jig and a baby happened.

#2 Don’t have it all. There’s too much stuff out there and too many episodes of Better Call Saul/ other Netflix time vacuums.

#3 Shag before dinner (7.30-8.30pm is the parental window) otherwise sex can feel like a shag.

#4 Carve a piece of toast into an animal. A cat, perhaps or if creative, a moose. Better than flowers.

#5 Pretend you’re having a one night stand every-so-often. Better than Viagra.

#6 Go to bed angry. Sleep is usually a great fixer of ‘the stuff’

#7 Don’t be breezy if you’re not. Breeziness rapidly equals vile petulance.

#8 Draw a tractor on a card that says, ‘I dig you’. Great fixer of ‘the stuff’.

#9 Don't be mean.