DADDY (UN)COOL

Our Dad du jour, Olly Lemon discovers a new fitness craze: baby lifting

Anyone else use their child as a dumbbell? It started as a way to stop him crying one morning. I was lying on my back and my younger son (18 months) was sat on my chest. He was devastated to discover he had finished his milk, so to try and console him I scooped him up around his hips and bobbed him up and down a few times – sort of like a levitating seated buddha. It worked. Actually, it more than worked, his little gurning face had rare contentment written all over it. Skip forward a few weeks and the offer for some "lifts" is now met by fierce nodding, which is no small feat given that he only understands a handful of words. We have a strict routine: 80-100 lifts before I have my shower, followed by a few more laboured reps with his elder brother (3.5 years). The bigger one is considerably more of a challenge but the "big strong dad" part of me doesn't want to show weakness so I strain, puff and heave my way to a lavishly over-inflated declared total. I tried doing press-ups with kids on my back but this invariably fails for two main reasons:

1. They fall off and I get judged as being irresponsible by my wife. 2. The child on my back demands I be a horse / lion / crocodile / aeroplane / train / monster. This inevitably leads to an over-excited child, the morning routine goes up in flames and I get judged as being irresponsible by my wife. One thing I've learnt in parenting is your experiences, no matter how personally surprising, are rarely unique. It only took a few curious clicks to stumble upon a whole market place online offering classes for mums (or dads) to do yoga "wearing" their kids. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for rolling around on mats with babies and staring into their eyes whilst delivering a flawless "downward dog" but the concept of "wearing" a baby?

In our household, the only way is up. And then down. Until you resemble a sweaty, marathon runner with only Peppa Pig and Fireman Sam as your cheerleaders.