MUM'S THE WORD

Emma Robinson’s blog, Motherhood for Slackers, is by turns touching and hilarious, the perfect companion for mums who wonder if they’re doing it right. The woman behind the ‘Dear Teacher’ poem that had us blubbing onto our keyboards, talks parenting, poetry, and Princess Leia.

Number of kids?

Two. William (six) and Scarlett (four).

Worst mothering moment?

William, when he was about two, was standing in front of a kitchen cupboard whinging and whining for me to open the door. After repeatedly asking him to tell me what he wanted, I barked at him, “WHY do you want me to open the door?”

He replied: “So that I can get my finger out.”

Best mothering moment?

Eating out a few months ago, we were trying our best to keep the children relatively immobile at the table with a game of 'Star Wars Twenty Questions' (the trickiest part of which was trying to string out enough questions for Scarlett to answer before we 'guessed' that she was Princess Leia. Again.) As he was leaving, a man of about fifty came over and said "it's so nice to see a family so obviously enjoying each other's company.' I had to fight the urge to burst into tears and then kiss him.

What inspired you to start Motherhood for Slackers?

I was writing a novel and read that potential publishers will want you to have an ‘online presence.’ Once I started the blog, it grew a life of its own – particularly after I wrote the “Dear Teacher” poem about my son starting school and it had such an incredible response. Though I’ve written privately since I was very young, I have never had an audience before and it has been really wonderful to have people say “You make me feel normal” or just “You made me laugh.” I’m not sure if the people who write these things realise how much of a buzz it is for me to read their comments.

What do your children make of their blog-found fame?

I don’t think that they are really aware that people are reading about them, but William thinks I am a famous writer because there was an article about me and my first book in our local Gazette! He loves writing stories too but his mainly involve dragons and crossbows so I don’t think we’ll be competing for the same market.

What is your favourite poem? (yours or someone else’s)

Blackberry Picking by Seamus Heaney is the one which springs to mind but I absolutely love Pam Ayres poems, both for their humour and because she is a genius at rhyming unexpected words. ‘I’m going to kill my husband’ is a perfect example: “He takes it all for granted, but tonight I can relax/For the minute he complains, I shall whop him with the axe.”

Dinner party or play date?

Dinner party all the way! Although a trip to Costa Coffee with Scarlett comes a close second. Latte for mummy and a ‘Ham and Sticky Cheese’ toastie for her.

Home or away?

Our family are a 50/50 split – my husband and son are real homebodies whereas my daughter is more like me and wakes up every morning asking, “Where are we going today?” Being at home for long periods sends me stir crazy and I like to be around people.

Can’t live without….

My Kindle. Reading is like breathing to me. For a long time I refused to get a Kindle as I thought it would reduce the pleasure I find in a real book. However, now I have one it goes everywhere with me and it’s been a godsend being able to read in the dark whilst I wait for my insomniac children to give in and fall asleep.

Can’t live with…

People who think that their way is the only way. Being a parent is difficult enough without having someone make you feel that you’re doing it all wrong. We’re all different; our babies are all different.

What’s the last thing you bought?

The Memory Book by Rowan Coleman. It’s a story about a woman with early onset Alzheimer’s but is surprisingly uplifting. It is really about motherhood and the strength of maternal love. I would recommend it.

Last call?

To my mum. She had the children overnight last night so I was calling to see how long I could last it out before going to collect them! They never want to leave Nana’s house.

Most pukka thing you own?

My Microsoft Surface. When I am sitting in a coffee shop and typing away, I feel like I’m living the dream.

Most annoying thing other mothers say?

“My child never does that.”

Mothering is…

Wonderful. But exhausting. Still, it is wonderful. And frustrating, all-consuming and sometimes scary. But, wonderful. Yes, wonderful.

Catch more updates, quips and poetry from Emma on her Facebook Page and buy her hilarious book here